you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
