is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
