I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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