he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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