I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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