no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
