I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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