I'm pants shitting drunk right now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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