I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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