i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
