they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
