why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
