I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize