did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
