The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
