Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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