Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
