Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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