wat bout pragnant strippers??
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
