the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
