He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
