If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
