Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
