It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
