I skipped work to stalk him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
