Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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