You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
