he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
