the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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