apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
