My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
