he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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