i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he high fived his dick after we had sex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
