I just cut my nipple shaving
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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