you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
