If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
