I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
