I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
