If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
