Got a toothbrush?
You made me cry and you don't even care
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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