I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
