Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
