i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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