It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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