I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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