Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
