you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
