i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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