She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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