Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
