I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
