Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
