3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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