and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
