Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
