He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
