do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When are your genitals available?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
