I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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