i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize