Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
