So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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