I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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