I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
