threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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