Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
