Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
