I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
