he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
