So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
