I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
