she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
In America we eat man semen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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