She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
