Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
